Today, after 3 days of rain, in an effort to find something for my kids to do in the afternoon other than watch PBS Kids for another straight day, I went to Hobby Lobby in search of arts and crafts. This was truly a trip of severe desperation because I hate doing crafts with my kids.
I know people who love to do crafts with their kids, who intentionally set aside time to craft with them, who rhapsodize about bonding and the closeness they share doing latch-hooking or embellishing flip flops.
I think they are lying.
The only time I've truly had a good time crafting with my kids is when we've gone somewhere else to do it. Someone else bought the supplies, set up the crafting area, and cleaned up the mess when it was over and that person was not me.
It is possible that other people's kids don't re-purpose craft supplies in a way that gives their parents fits. They don't, for instance, use fingerpaint as eye shadow or try to turn foam alphabet stickers into nose suppositories. But my children do and because of this, I never feel like I can get ahead of them as we're trying to do a craft. Even if I get everything out ahead of time and have the instructions memorized, some little u-turn will occur that makes my blood pressure skyrocket. Once I was helping child #1 with something, only to look up and see child #2 eating glue stick. While I was fishing glue stick out of his mouth and explaining that this was yucky, child #1 up-ended a plateful of glitter onto the floor. That happened almost a year and a half ago and I still occasionally find glitter lurking in the various nooks and crannies of my kitchen.
Today I tried to be a step ahead by purchasing complete craft kits, rather than just random supplies. This was not really successful because while the kits are supposed to have
everything you need, they always seem to be lacking something -- it might be critical, it might not, but I guarantee you won't know you need it until you're in the middle of the process. Today we made window catchers with metal frames that you fill with colored plastic beads and bake in the oven. Honestly, I don't know why this seemed like a good idea in the store. They turned out kind of cute, except that child #2 immediately mixed up all his bead colors so his puppy looks like a cocker/dalmation with one red ear. Child #1 picked up her frame after we'd spent 20 minutes filling each little cell with different colored beads. Result? Beads fell out the bottom of the frame and we had to start over, at which point she informed me that she was tired of putting the beads in and could I just do it for her, please? I am thanking God I didn't succumb to the sand craft kit. I would have jumped off a bridge before we completed that one.
everything you need, they always seem to be lacking something -- it might be critical, it might not, but I guarantee you won't know you need it until you're in the middle of the process. Today we made window catchers with metal frames that you fill with colored plastic beads and bake in the oven. Honestly, I don't know why this seemed like a good idea in the store. They turned out kind of cute, except that child #2 immediately mixed up all his bead colors so his puppy looks like a cocker/dalmation with one red ear. Child #1 picked up her frame after we'd spent 20 minutes filling each little cell with different colored beads. Result? Beads fell out the bottom of the frame and we had to start over, at which point she informed me that she was tired of putting the beads in and could I just do it for her, please? I am thanking God I didn't succumb to the sand craft kit. I would have jumped off a bridge before we completed that one.
I try, I really do. I know kids need permission to get dirty, to explore their environment, to try things. But in general I think crafts are just hazardous to my health. What good is it if you have a nice foam door hanger or a lovely set of embellished flip-flops if Mommy has to be sedated afterward?
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