Feeling Defeated

I have been teaching Sunday School for approximately 5 years now, with one short break after my third baby was born. I have mostly been following my children up the grades, always in the kindergarten and under classes until last year when I stepped up to the 1st-5th classes which are led by a different coordinator than K and under. This year I moved back down to the Kindergarteners because my son asked me to teach his class and am back working under a coordinator who I have come to loathe.

Yes, loathe.

It's hard to say this about someone who is obviously dedicated, obviously sincere, obviously a Christ-follower, but she absolutely rubs me the wrong way. And I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual.

I have never been overwhelmed with love for her, but I never gave much thought to whether I liked her or not since it wasn't like I was marrying her, or even spending much time with her -- the sum total of my relationship with her was an hour a week in which I might see her for a grand total of 10 minutes, most of them non-consecutive.

In fact, I was never conscious of any antipathy until I told her I was taking a year off when baby #3 came, which decision I defend by explaining that a) I breastfed all my babies, who b) never took bottles no matter how hard I tried to get them to do so, so c) I had to be on call for feedings until they were about 6 months old, and d) they invariably needed to eat right in the middle of church and/or Sunday school. And of course e) I just don't adjust to change and increased responsibility with great ease and needed to reduce everything outside my very immediate sphere.

When I told her, this look crossed her face and I knew she thought I was pretty paltry, taking a year off just because I was having a baby. I mean, what sort of pansy was I, to be overwhelmed by major surgery and round the clock feedings of a colicky infant? Never mind that I couldn't even remember my name those first few months after the baby came -- certainly I could plan, prep and conduct a measly little Sunday school lesson?

No, I could not.

I have never pretended to be superwoman. In point of fact, I am often at great pains to demonstrate that I am the poster child for chaos theory. Organization is a painstaking labor for me and anytime my organizational routines are overset it takes me forever to recover. After this last episode it took me a year to feel like I wasn't drowning. I knew that this would be the case, so I took some steps to limit the damage caused by my complete meltdown and the subsequent reconstruction era.

And I think she has never forgiven me.

Had I not taught under the other coordinator, I would never have known how difficult this woman is to work for. The 1st-5th coordinator was encouraging without being stifling; she let me teach and trusted that I knew what I was doing (and since I was a teacher in my former life, I kind of do).

Now I'm back with a person who is as irritated by me as I am by her.

I have to consider whether it's worth teaching any of my baby's Sunday school classes in the next year or two --can I overcome my annoyance and frustration to participate in my daughter's Christian education, or will I take the easy road and teach the older grades until she's out of kindergarten? I have 10 more weeks of contact with the benevolent despot before this little soap opera is over.

I am trying not to whine.
I am trying not to lose my temper.
I am trying to be understanding -- I know she has a difficult job and I am trying to care about that.

But man, am I annoyed.