I Know the Answer to this Question

Why, God? Seriously, why?

For weeks I have been gathering information on a little boy in China. I have been persistently nudging my husband, sharing my heart with him, patiently pointing out that we do, in fact, have the finances to proceed.

I knew that child's file inside and out. I felt like he was a perfect fit for our family. But I could. not. get. my. husband. to. move.

He wasn't saying no, precisely, just not really saying yes.

And now my little guy is no longer on this list. I think -- I am almost sure -- he has been matched with someone else.

I am MAD at my husband for dragging his feet. For being the eternal stick in the mud. I was ready to fly to China tomorrow, but he just couldn't be bothered to wrap his head around it long enough to really consider the possibilities.

And now my boy is gone. And I am sad.

Really, really sad.

And, yes, the answer to the question is that it just wasn't meant to be. It wasn't God's plan.

But I am still sad.