The Answer to the Question, Part Deux

"All things work together for the good of those that love God." Romans 8:28

Out of bad, good can come.

We can see it as good, even while we grieve the bad thing that made it possible. It doesn't diminish the grief, but it does offer a glimmer of hope.

I am still grieving a little boy I didn't really know. Does that sound silly? I know I felt a bit dumb, shedding tears for a child that was never really mine. That I'd never held, or spoken to, or even seen in 3 dimensions.

But at the same time I have been dealing with my sadness, I have continued to be assaulted on all sides by adoption. I can't watch tv without adoption stories creeping into the screenplays. I can't go to church without hearing a message about stepping out in faith, trusting God totally, following even when it doesn't seem to make a ton on sense. Adoption themes have cropped up in more scenarios than I can count. They just don't stop, and I think just maybe God is trying to get my attention a bit.

What astonishes me is that my husband, who has been with me in many of these scenarios, doesn't also see the adoption thread running through everything. However, we sat down last night and I was finally able to unburden myself to him, to really share what's been on my heart, what's been waking me up at night for the last 6 weeks or so. To explain to him how everywhere I turn I feel like I'm seeing big signposts that seem to point toward adoption.

But I also told him I can't do this on my own. This is too big, affects too many people, for me to drag everyone into it on my say so. We have to be a unified front here. We both have to believe that this is God's will for us. Unilateral action here is a recipe for disaster. So, if we're going to be a team, said he, then we need to find out more information. Can you (meaning me) see if there's an informational meeting we can go to, or a person we can meet with that can lay all this out for us so we can get a sense of whether we can proceed?

Well, yes I can.

It doesn't mean we'll adopt. But it means were going to approach it as a team. I feel so much more relaxed going toward this together than I did alone. I don't know where we'll end up, but at least we'll end up there as a couple.