These are my prints from L. Herbert Designs. They are on my mantle in some frames I got got at Target on clearance. The mats came with the frames and are a nubby linen. They are just about the only thing that's making me happy in my family room right now.Can't get properly motivated this week. Trying to potty train the Most Stubborn 2 Year Old on the Planet with little success. Trying to keep the house tidy with no success at all. Fretting pointlessly about decorating and landscaping projects that I can't actually start/complete. Frustrated by a lack of money -- great thwacking piles of it would be nice right about now, but these are curiously absent. Low-frequency panic still vibrating through me occasionally when I remember the complete lack of security my husband has with his job and the very real possibility that I may have to go back to work which I do. not. want. to. do. Baby only napping every other day which means I have looooonnngggg days in which nothing -- nothing -- gets done. Oddly not fulfilled by meal planning, grocery shopping, clothes washing and cleaning. Out of town girlfriend camping on my sofa this weekend does not seem to light the fire under me that it should. Oldest child seems to have lost the ability to fall asleep at night and this has me in a tizzy, particularly since there seems to be no easy cure and she is completely vile when she's underslept.
I feel defeated.
If I were totally honest with myself, I would have to say that being a SAHM is vast periods of boredom punctuated by moments of great love and fulfillment. But it's mostly boring. Yes, I am occasionally satisfied by the completion of some task or project, but since much of what I do is highly repetitive in nature (laundry, dishes, cooking) moments of satisfaction are frequently swallowed up by the sheer relentlessness of housekeeping. So I finished the laundry -- more is coming. Dishes are clean -- time to start dinner. Family room is spic and span --wait 'til you see the basement. It just never quits.
And I am tired.
Because of the job anxiety we have going here, my husband is working 50-60 hour weeks. Which means I am single-parenting for long stretches of time and I can't remember the last time I got to leave the house ALONE to do something other than marathon grocery shopping (which I don't think really counts 'cause it's not very relaxing).
I have this recurring fantasy where I am whisked off to a spa and massaged and facialed and foot rubbed into a light, but refreshing coma. Then I come home to a sparkling clean house which looks nothing like my own and Alice has dinner already on the table.
Frankly, teaching high school was a cakewalk next to this mom gig.
I feel defeated.
If I were totally honest with myself, I would have to say that being a SAHM is vast periods of boredom punctuated by moments of great love and fulfillment. But it's mostly boring. Yes, I am occasionally satisfied by the completion of some task or project, but since much of what I do is highly repetitive in nature (laundry, dishes, cooking) moments of satisfaction are frequently swallowed up by the sheer relentlessness of housekeeping. So I finished the laundry -- more is coming. Dishes are clean -- time to start dinner. Family room is spic and span --wait 'til you see the basement. It just never quits.
And I am tired.
Because of the job anxiety we have going here, my husband is working 50-60 hour weeks. Which means I am single-parenting for long stretches of time and I can't remember the last time I got to leave the house ALONE to do something other than marathon grocery shopping (which I don't think really counts 'cause it's not very relaxing).
I have this recurring fantasy where I am whisked off to a spa and massaged and facialed and foot rubbed into a light, but refreshing coma. Then I come home to a sparkling clean house which looks nothing like my own and Alice has dinner already on the table.
Frankly, teaching high school was a cakewalk next to this mom gig.
6 comments:
When my girls were little I struggled with being alone alot too. My husband and I made a deal. He came home for 4 hours, one day each week and I could do whatever I wanted with that time. It gave me something to look forward to.I would also encourage you to make dates with other moms, if you don't know any other SAHM's go to a MOPS group. Look it up on your computer and you will find one in your area. Mothers of Preschoolers, chances are you will meet some moms in the same situation as you.
Another place to find ladies is at your local church. Do you have one?
I'll be praying that this mom gig takes a turn for the better! I remember feeling the same as you, it does get better!
I'm glad you're enjoying your prints! Sorry you're having a hard time right now. :-( Hang in there!
Just came across your blog and wanted to say how much I can relate...I sometimes feel that this SAHM thing is slowly eroding my will to live (LOL)...working in a high risk maternity center for 12 hour stretches with no breaks was far easier....
When Alice is done with your house and dinner would you please send her over here?
I hope today is one of those days that's not filled with routine boredom but somehow, becomes a lovely, one of a kind, meaningful day--even if you are doing the same old stuff.
I know so many women can relate to the feelings you are having.
I hope you can rest well and enjoy another imperfectly beautiful day today!
Oh, and your prints look so pretty!
I am with you on the potty training. I have been trying too, with a stubborn 2 year old (almost3!) She will sit on the potty but will not go, still in diapers, when in underwear she just pees all over herself:( I get so frustrated with my house, always messy and never stays clean for more than 30 mins. I also find it lonely sometimes being a SAHM. I enjoyed that post, for keeping it real! Hope you have a nice weekend!
As a mom of a 17 year old son I have to say that potty training troubles would be refreshing.
These days it's money, girlfriends, cellphone, clothes and alot of "I know!"
Enjoy this time of their lives.
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