Still

Have you ever wrestled with a problem. I mean really wrestled?

That's where I'm at. I am wrestling: twisting and turning, struggling to keep my shoulders off the mat, contorted into positions where it's hard to breathe, searching for that last ounce of grit from whatever place it lives inside me so I can flip this problem on its can, put both hands in the air and yell "YEAH!"

But that's the victory and I am not at the victory. Yet.

It feels like things are moving. All the hollowness I've felt for months, the conviction that it's not enough to acknowledge a problem, to say sincerely "That's a terrible thing," to shake our heads and turn away sorrowfully, all of that finally seems to be communicating itself to my husband. And not because I sat down with him and said, "look, this is all crap..."

Though I would certainly like to.

Yesterday we saw a clip from a sermon by Francis Chan and it was electrifying. Why? Because it's exactly what we seem to do in the church, and particularly it's what Tim and I have done in our family.




It opened my husband's eyes. He's not all the way there yet, but I think we're going down the right path.