B.R.E.A.T.H.E.

I cam home from Bible study wednesday night and felt like my head was going to explode. 'Member when I said I was wrestling? Well, the battle reached a fever pitch at about 10:30 p.m. and I let fly like nobody's bidness.

My husband was a little floored.

I have always been this way, unable to really haul things out into the light until long after I should be in bed. I am famous for starting deep conversations (fights) after 10 p.m. and this night was a classic example.

I spilled, baby. I told my husband how frustrated I've been with how we're living, with what seems to me to be fairly pointless activity. Wheel-spinning. What are we actually doing? And don't say we're saving for new siding, because I can not get behind that as a life goal. When I stand before my maker I just don't think he's going to ask me "Did you get the siding? I was really hoping you'd get the siding..."

And I know we have to take care of this house -- I get that -- but right now I feel like we're being pulled another way and I needed my husband to see how indignant I am feeling, truly just full of righteous anger, that no one seems to care about all the kids in the world growing up without parents, without resources, without hope. IT IS SO WRONG.

So I shared. And I ranted a bit. And I told him some of the things that make my heart sick, make it ache for these kids. And I told him that I thought just maybe we were supposed to do more about it than just be armchair spectators.

Kids need homes. We have a home. They need families. We are a family. They need love and support and guidance. We can do all that -- maybe not perfectly, but it's got to be better than an orphanage.

It felt so good to blow off steam. To let all of that out. And now we're praying -- really praying -- that God will be very very clear about our path. I asked specifically that he confirm it through Tim, because I want to be certain it's from God and not just me going off all half-cocked (which I might just maybe occasionally tend to do. A little. Sort of.)

So we pray. Just the two of us, just before God.

Breathe, baby.