No More Tiptoeing

Last night we had it out. And it was not pretty.

I think the best word for it would be frustrating.

I tried to listen, mostly. I tried to draw out of him why he seems open to adopting and then pulls back hard and retreats behind a wall of change-the-subject. I also tried to get him to pinpoint what really makes him feel like this can't work.

So he did.

I have to say, if I saw it the way he did I would never entertain the idea of adopting. In fact, just remembering what he had to say has left me feeling depressed. And let's not forget, I'm the worst-case-scenario person in the relationship. I felt like I was looking at this with a pretty realistic set of glasses.

The money is always a problem. In this particular instance, I think we probably could pull together the money to get a child home. It's the aftercare that would be problematic. Our insurance is very good (and I know this because our old insurance was very bad), but a child with a chronic medical need would increase our expenses. No question about that. Then there's that extra year of preschool, increased activities for 4 instead of 3, more food and clothing.

Time is another factor. Three kids take up a lot of time. Four would take up still more. He feels like we're just getting our mojo back now and we shouldn't wreck it by adding another child.

It's a noble thing (his words, not mine) but maybe not something we are supposed to do. Why us? Plenty of people we know have lots more money than we do and they don't adopt. True. I know lots of Christians who are good at being rich. I do not want to be one of those people. I don't want to be someone who realizes there's a problem and turns away without doing anything. And I'm not sure as Christians we have the luxury of seeing the problem and doing nothing. And I am not about being noble. In the end, it's not a noble act, it's a child. A child who has to be parented. A real child, who isn't going to send me a Hallmark card to thank me for rescuing him. Nor do I expect him to...he deserves parents just like everyone else.

If someone left a baby on our doorstep, we wouldn't hesitate to do the right thing.