Anatomy of a Shower

Mother's Duties:

Distribute food to children. Whisper to eldest girl that you are going to take a shower and can she please watch the baby so that she doesn't interrupt said shower. Also, could she please not fight with her brother for the next 20 minutes. Remind her that she can bribe baby with raisins if necessary. Whisper to son that you are going to take a shower. Make him repeat that you are going to take a shower. Sneak upstairs and barricade self in bathroom. Listen through floor vents to see if World War III has errupted yet. Strain to hear something, anything, over the extremely loud TV. Get in shower and lather, rinse, repeat as though pursued by a pack of wolves. Wonder briefly if speed showering should be an Olympic sport.

Eldest Daughter's Duties:

Ignore baby. Begin argument with brother over volume of TV. Scream like you're caught in a bear trap. Suddenly realize that baby is not in family room. Chase baby through main floor, blocking her way upstairs until she is shrieking with frustration. When baby is a panting, sobbing mess, give up pursuit and yell to mom that "This baby is IMPOSSIBLE." Be sure to mention that this is NOT FAIR. Go back to family room and resume argument with brother.

Son's Duties:

Wait five minutes. Notice Mom is missing and wonder where she is. Begin shouting for Mom. In absence of Mom, begin argument over TV clicker. Stand your ground -- you're always getting screwed by either the big one or the baby, so now is a good time to let everyone know you're not going to take it anymore. When the girls finally leave the family room, crank the volume up to 55, then go to the basement and play game cube.


Baby's Duties:

Refuse to be engaged by the excellent PBS Kids programming. As soon as siblings are squabbling, attempt to get upstairs. Run like heck when the big one chases you, screaming to emphasize that you will not be oppressed any longer. When the big one gives up, drag yourself upstairs, punctuating your progress with sobs. Throw self repeatedly at mom's door, wailing and crying. If neccessary, poop your pants.

History

So very cool to watch the inauguration this morning and be filled yet again with a sense of hope. Besides the speech, which was excellent, this little musical moment was inspiring -- a real portrait of what our country can be like at its very best. We have all the talent and resources; now if we could just catch the vision we need to truly move forward.